Bullying in children is common and not harmful most of the times if it is done in a playful, mutual way and both parties see the humour in it. However, when the teasing and name-calling become hurtful, unkind and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and this needs to stop immediately.
Bullying involves tormenting a person in physical, verbal or psychological ways and is done intentionally. This can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats and extorting money and possessions. Some children bully by spreading false rumours about their victim while others use social media or text messages to taunt or hurt their feelings.
It is important that parents take bullying seriously and not brush it off as a phase that their children need to endure. The effects can be serious as it damages children’s sense of safety and self-worth.
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A relevant lesson in bullying
Rosie Dutton, a coach of children’s programme Relax Kids in the UK, wrote a Facebook post about how she taught the concept of kindness to her class. Since the post was published, it has received a massive amount of praises as this doubles up as a lesson on bullying in children as well.
Here is what Rosie wrote on her page:
“Today in one of our classes I introduced the children to two apples (the children didn’t know this, but before the class I had repeatedly dropped one of the apples on the floor, you couldn’t tell, both apples looked perfect).
We talked about the apples and the children described how both apples looked the same; both were red, were of similar size and looked juicy enough to eat. I picked up the apple I’d dropped on the floor and started to tell the children how I disliked this apple, that I thought it was disgusting, it was a horrible colour and the stem was just too short. I told them that because I didn’t like it, I didn’t want them to like it either, so they should call it names too.
Some children looked at me like I was insane, but we passed the apple around the circle calling it names, ‘you’re a smelly apple’, ‘I don’t even know why you exist’, ‘you’ve probably got worms inside you’ etc. We really pulled this poor apple apart. I actually started to feel sorry for the little guy. We then passed another apple around and started to say kind words to it, ‘You’re a lovely apple’, ‘Your skin is beautiful’, ‘What a beautiful colour you are’ etc. I then held up both apples, and again, we talked about the similarities and differences. There was no change, both apples still looked the same.
I then cut the apples open. The apple we’d been kind to was clear, fresh and juicy inside. The apple we’d said unkind words to was bruised and all mushy inside. I think there was a lightbulb moment for the children immediately. They really got it, what we saw inside that apple, the bruises, the mush and the broken bits is what is happening inside every one of us when someone mistreats us with their words or actions.
When people are bullied, especially children, they feel horrible inside and sometimes don’t show or tell others how they are feeling. If we hadn’t have cut that apple open, we would never have known how much pain we had caused it. I shared my own experience of suffering someone’s unkind words last week. On the outside I looked OK, I was still smiling. But, on the inside someone had caused me a lot of pain with their words and I was hurting.
Unlike an apple, we have the ability to stop this from happening. We can teach children that it’s not ok to say unkind things to each other and discuss how it makes others feel. We can teach our children to stand up for each other and to stop any form of bullying, just as one little girl did today when she refused to say unkind words to the apple. More and more hurt and damage happens inside if nobody does anything to stop the bullying. Let’s create a generation of kind, caring children.”
As a parent, what can you do if you suspect/know that your child is being bullied at school? More on this on the next page…